Enchanted with Love.

Watched "Enchanted" today with my nieces. This is probably the 5th time I've watched this Disney production. Every single time, I just get myself so......what's the word? Yes, enchanted.

The idea of "storybook endings, fairytales coming true" still captivates me. Like what the lyrics of this song say, "deep down inside, we wanna believe they still do."

I know. You might think me, in my late 20s now, I'm too old to believe in fairytales. Too jaded to believe in happy endings. Too cynical to believe in romance.

Well, I am sorry but I still do.

The little girl in me still believes in "happily ever after". The little princess inside me is still dreaming of her "true love's kiss." I love red roses, private picnics, weekend escapades, sweet little texts of love and lovely surprises from that special someone. And I am not ashamed or afraid to say that.

Yes, every couple has their bad times. But do we sacrifice the good times because of the bad times? My heart screams with a big "No!"

That is why I never stop believing. That is why I never stop trying.

Because I had it once before and it made me feel wonderful. Completely magical.

I felt like Cinderella.

I felt like Belle in "Beauty & The Beast".

I felt like Giselle in "Enchanted".

A chance meeting is all it takes. Just one special moment. I was swept off my feet that day you found me. Eight hours together, chatting non-stop, without realising it's been eight hours, is a record in My Book of Records.

And so, I will wear my heart on my sleeve. Sometimes, you will reach what's real by making believe.

A friend recently commented that I am a romantic at heart, that I have this ideal notion on love. She's probably right, except for one thing.

I don't believe love comes easy like in fairytales. On the contrary, love comes with a lot of hard work. Once you find that someone to love, you will do whatever it takes to make it work. Regardless. And it will still bring a smile to you, no matter how hard it is. It will still make you happy.

Love started out as a feeling. To continue to love is a choice.

That's probably why I totally love this song!

Boy, am I glad to be me. I will never stop being me. I will never stop believing in fairytales and happy endings.

Can't wait to be swept off my feet. Again. ♥

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul; that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds. That's what I hope to give you forever." 

- The Notebook

"Hope dances in the puddles till the sun comes out again."

I like the way my nieces rush to me every time they see me, with their arms opened wide, knowing their ‘Ah Yi’ will give them one of her very special hugs.
 
I like the way my brother encourages my 2-year-old niece to get up when she falls down, in his gentle, calming voice. Never would I have thought my own brother would, one day, become a father. 

I like the way Mom ask the same “Have you eaten dinner?” question to me almost every single night when I returned home.

 
I like the way the elderly couple, whom I saw on the streets the other day, looked at each other. Especially when they held hands. I like how she deliberately slowed down her walking pace, and supported her physically weaker husband.
 
I like the way the group of teenagers I saw at The Cathay urging one another on, to take group pictures. Getting teenage boys to take pictures is no easy feat.
 
I like the way the teenage girl sitting next to me on the bus, called her friend and complained about her boyfriend in her very ‘singlish’ speech. 
 
I like these and many more...

Lately, I have been taking a step back and observing life around me. Strangers on the street, fellow passengers in the train, my family, my friends. Allowing myself to be inspired and to be emotionally rejuvenated by the sights and sounds that I see and hear.

It all boils down to one thing. Relationships. Human interactions. Love in its various forms.

Last week, I passed by a funeral procession and am reminded of Life. What can possibly be worse than Death? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. 

As long as there is still a single breath in me, I will never stop living. I will never stop hoping. I will never stop loving. I will never stop trusting.

Because Life is simply too short to do otherwise.

"I will remember you. Will you remember me? 

Don't let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories."

"Do what you can, with what you have, where you are." 

- Theodore Roosevelt -

“The entire universe conspired to help you find me...” 

You found me at the most unexpected time, in the most unexpected way. Yet, when you found me, you decide to lose me. Not once but time and time again. And each time, I chose to return. I chose to stay. Because it was not a coincidence that we met. Because of what happened on Thanksgiving. And I can’t walk away from that.

Eventually, I plead for help with my last breath. All I needed from you was strength – just a little bit so that I can find the courage within to carry on giving you strength. To be here for you as long as you need me to. 

I got silence in return. I finally died on 4 Dec 2010. 

We stopped communicating a long time ago. The sound of our voices is nothing but a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal that is drowning out what my heart desperately wants to say. And your heart? Your heart is desperately not wanting to listen. What are you afraid of exactly? All along, I was only an option, never a priority. 

They say, “Home is where the heart is.” My heart is with that man who understood me. That man who entered into a place in my life that none has ventured before. That man who loves to share with me his thoughts, his feelings, his dreams and hopes. That man whom I made a promise never to hurt (not intentionally). And my promise still stands true. 

I will forever miss that night at Indochine.

I miss connecting with you. I miss that jigsaw piece that fits in mine. 
I still believe in you.

Defenseless.

“Someone has to take care of you. You don’t know how to take care of yourself...”

Felt instantly protected and loved. Thank you dear, for making me feel safe like a little girl again.

I have never felt more alone or vulnerable in my entire life than now. Right this moment.

Like a porcupine without its prickly spines, I have absolutely nothing to defend or protect myself any longer.

I am sorry things turn out this way. I am sorry that I upset you. Again.

I only want what is best for you. I am sorry.

Lina will shut up now. 

Thanksgiving 2010.

Celebrated my first Thanksgiving on Thursday and it’s been absolutely incredible. And here’s why.

1. Lunch was spent with G. at Clarke Quay, overlooking the river, and just enjoying a really leisurely afternoon together (I almost forgot it was a work day!).
2. Dinner was with a bunch of American friends at Botak Jones. We had turkey, chicken, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pies, whiskey and a whole lot of laughter. Sharing in the spirit and tradition of Thanksgiving does pretty amazing therapy to me. 
3. The most unexpected situation happened on Thanksgiving night (a situation I have been wanting to happen for the longest time, but it never did). And on Thanksgiving night, it happened. Unbelievable.
4. My late night conversation with R. made me realised something. About myself, about human emotions and the human heart. About connection and the ties that held one to another. About God and how He really never does leave me unnoticed. I am not forgotten.

B. asked at Thanksgiving dinner, “So what are we thankful for this year?”

My answer. Life. Grace. Love. Especially Grace.

I always believe that everything happens for a reason. Certain events took place (and on Thanksgiving too, of all days!) and my heart knows that God has orchestrated everything to happen in this day alone.

This is not a coincidence. This is a divine appointment.

And I have only two things to tell you, which I am holding them in until I see you. In person.

Post-Thanksgiving morning, I heard this song “Stars” by The Cranberries. Certain lyrics pop out at me like snippets of revelation.

Post-Thanksgiving afternoon, I stumbled upon this line written at the back of my director’s jacket, “No More Dramas”.

Coincidence? I really don’t think so.

Lina is starting out again. From ground zero. Except this time round, I want to kiss you and let you know that everything really is going to be okay. Really really.

Trust me with your heart and I will protect it with my life. I promise.

"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength while loving someone deeply gives you courage."

How to Grow "Love"

1. Pick a good heart

2. Plant it in a bucket of Trust

3. Water with Care & Good Thoughts

4. Add some Romancing occasionally

5. Remove the misunderstanding leaves

Ingredients of "Love"

4 cups x Understanding

200g x Caring

1 packet (frozen) x Forgiving

375ml x Unsalted Romance

Handful of Hugs

2 teaspoons x Sweet Kisses

Lots of Love

+ Add some sprinkling of magic to make it special

God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.

- Anonymous - 

"Love without Trust is like a cup that doesn't hold water." 

-- 27 Oct 2010

"Trust is the magic potion that holds everything together." 

-- 03 Nov 2010

"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes."

-- Nicholas Sparks 

Interestingly, this is the love that the bible speaks of as well, which I wrote in an entry last year. Love is...

In the words of this famous American novelist: 

"Sometimes you have to be apart from people you love, but that doesn't mean you love them any less. Sometimes it makes you love them even more."

And my heart says this to you, "If you are not too long, I will wait for you forever."

Then the tragic news came. You are dead. 

What is left is nothing but an empty shell.

You Got Me.

The lyrics of this song echoed exactly what I would have wanted to tell you a long time ago. It made me think back to 4 August 2010. Your eyes were stuck on me.  My heart skipped a beat many a time. You said my eyes sparkled. It was magical.

That night made me give in. I give up resisting. I let go. And we begin.

Chorus:

Oh, I just can’t get enough 


How much do I need to fill me up? 


It feels so good it must be love 


It’s everything that I’ve been dreaming of. 


I give up. I give in. I let go. 
Let's begin. 


Cuz no matter what I do 


Oh (oh) 
My heart is filled with you.

I believe what I felt.

I believe what I saw in your eyes.

I believe what we had was truly one of a kind.

It must have been love.

Either that, or you are just a bloody good actor.

 “Protect her, love her, kiss her, hug her, hold her, smile with her, laugh with her. But don't make her fall if you don't plan to catch her.” 

– Stevie B

grief |grēf|noundeep sorrow, esp. that caused by someone's death : she was overcome with grief.• informal trouble or annoyance : they won't give you any grief in the next few days.PHRASEScome to grief have an accident; meet with disaster : many a ship has come to grief along this shore.good grief! an exclamation of irritation, frustration, or surprise.ORIGIN Middle English : from Old French grief, from grever ‘to burden’ (see grieve ).

Repost: Redeemed. (from Jem's blog)

He came to my desk with a quivering lip, the lesson was done.

"Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?

I've spoiled this one."

I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted,

And gave him a new one all unspotted.

And into his tired heart I cried, "Do better now, my child."

I went to the throne with a trembling heart, the day was done.

"Have you a new day for me, dear Master?

I've spoiled this one."

He took my day, all soiled and blotted,

and gave me a new one all unspotted.

And into my tired heart he cried, "Do better now, my child."

- Author Anonymous -

Grandpa's Little Girl.

This song made me think of my grandpa, and brought me back to an entry I wrote two years ago.

08 July 2008

This was a man I felt completely safe with, one whom I know will carry the weight of the world, just so I can hide under his wings. A man who gave me the freedom to fly away because he loved me too much to let me stay.

I remember that day when this man laid down on his hospital bed, fragile as a child. And all I could do was to hold his hands, tears rolling down my cheeks like a waterfall, and said for the first time, "Wo Ai Ni Ah-Gong."

Tonight, I miss this man. So terribly badly.

I want to be my Ah-Gong's little girl again. I want to be safe again.

Angry & Helpless.

I am left behind. Once again.

Only this time, I do not know how to pick up the pieces and start over.

My heart breaks to see you like that. To see you hurt yourself and hurt me.

Lina no longer feels safe in the world she lives in.

Heart Aches.

Cut me and I will bleed. 

Hurt me and I will cry. 

Use me and I will be heartbroken.

Just because I do not scream, it does not mean I am not in pain.

Often, the most excruciating agony one suffers, is not seen or heard.