A friend wrote this to me in response to a link I posted on facebook not too long ago.

"STOP POSTING SUCH POISONOUS MESSAGES !!! THIS GUY IS OBVIOUSLY AN EXTREMIST!!! Do u see the Love of God in his preaching? UTTER NONSENSE AND CRAP!!!"

My first reaction when I read this message? Shock, followed by disappointment and hurt. Shock because I did not expect such a reaction from anyone, least of all, him. Disappointment and hurt because I felt judged by a friend whom I thought might at the very least, try to understand why I agree with the video I posted, before passing any judgement on me or screaming at me online.

This feeling accompanied me throughout today. And it affects me more than I realised.

I am never good when it comes to confrontations such as these. Yes, I like to think I can handle conflicts pretty well, but when someone starts screaming or yelling at me, I do what I know best - I have my walls up instantly. I clammed up. I cut the person off. And nothing can penetrate through those thick walls I have built over years. It's my defence mechanism, something I have to protect my heart every time I am close to getting hurt.

Perhaps, that is also why I have always been so very careful in who I chose to give my heart to, in any kind of relationship, be it friendship, kinship or love. Friends or family who are extremely dear to me will know that they affect me a great deal emotionally. One word, one action, one gesture can trigger a whole lot of emotions from me. As much as I hate to admit it, I am a highly-charged emotional woman.

Today, from that comment, it made me realised how dear that friend is to me, how much his comments affected me. And how disappointed and sad I am to realise that in his worldview, my stand is "poisonous".

And my heart aches.

"A bit in the mouth of a horse controls the whole horse. A small rudder on a huge ship in the hands of a skilled captain sets a course in the face of the strongest winds. A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it! It only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. A careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that......"

(The Message, James 3:3-6)