Love & Marriage

Had a conversation with my colleagues over lunch today and we touched on the topic of marriage. Someone said that before marriage, the bond between the couple is love and after marriage, the bond that unites the couple is feelings i.e. love that brings the couple to a lifelong journey together is no more, what exists is simply a routine of habit, companionship and familiarity. To a certain extent, I agree with that statement. However, in my personal stand, I still hold on very tightly that love can be kept alive in a marriage.

Love is not merely a fleeting sense of euphoria, happiness or a “cloud nine” experience. Sure, that does come in at the initial stages of a relationship, often what we call the “honeymoon” period. Everything seemed perfect – the butterflies in your stomach, the smile on your face that you can’t seem to get rid of no matter how hard you try, the countless thoughts of that special person throughout the day and the lovey dovey moments that both of you share. Pop in any DVD show of the romance genre and it always tells of the same plot – boy and girl meets, fall in love, overcame obstacles in their love and without fail, always a sweet “happily ever after” ending.

But what comes after that “happily ever after”? For movies or dramas, the ending is just that. Screenwriters never tell you what happen after the “happily ever after”. It always stops there. Life is not like that. Even after the sweet, romantic ending, there’s another sequel to the lives of the lead actors – the couple after their wedding. That’s when the testing of their love really starts.

There are many versions of the wedding vow nowadays, and for me, I reckon the beauty of marriage still hinges on the traditional or rather, the true sense of what a marriage is – “…forsaking all others, I choose you to be my wedded husband/wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.”

A simple vow that carries with it the essence of what a marriage is.

Love is more than just a feeling, a fleeting moment. It requires work, it requires hard work and most importantly, it requires a conscious commitment of both parties in a marriage. I’ve not experienced first-hand the joys of marriage, but I have seen how love can be kept alive and strong within a marriage. I have witnessed elderly couples crossing roads lovingly hand-in-hand. I have seen how a husband never fails to kiss his lovely wife of 30 years every morning when I was a lived-in guest over the weekend some years back. I know a couple who’s been married for over 20 years and still takes evening walks together every day after dinner. I have conversed with a young mother who has been married for 4 years and still speaks of her husband like he’s still the most handsome guy she has ever met.

And I reckon such love is so much more precious than the initial feelings of love between a young couple that brings nothing more than butterflies in their stomachs.

Sure, divorce rates are high in our increasingly stressful society today, but love within a marriage can be kept strong. I like to call that "Tough Love".

Love that refuses to give up. Love that consciously chooses to love. Love that is willing to go through the good and bad times, only to stay true to that one person whom you have made the sacred vow before God and men, to have and to hold till death. And this is the kind of love I yearn and embrace.

Marriage was never meant to be taken lightly and the media’s portrayal of the marriage constitution to be nothing more than a contract between two parties cannot be any further from the truth.

Marriage is a covenant, not a contract. What is the difference, you may ask? Unlike a contract that can be broken, a covenant is a sealed agreement between two parties i.e. it cannot be broken.

I am digressing.

In my life, I have crossed paths with different people – some have wonderful marriages while some ended up in divorces. It’s not my place to judge who is right or who is wrong. Still, call me a sentimental idealistic fool, but as far as my life is concerned, I desire for a marriage where love will be kept constantly alive – tough love. A lifelong journey with my partner in embracing all that life has to offer. Someone whom I will be willing to have and to hold till the day I die. And stubborn as I may be, I am totally convinced that I will not settle for anything less than that.

Let’s not water down the real meaning of what love is really all about, shall we?
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And finally, here's a video clip of "The Prayer" - as performed by Celine Dion & Andrea Bocelli. This echoes my heart's prayer for myself and for all whom I have crossed paths with in my life.

Be blessed.