It's been 3 months plus since my last post. Since then, heaps have been happening in my life and I doubt I can pen everything down in one breath.

On this particular night, I'm feeling down, sad, depressed.

All along, I have always been very cautious of the stuff I write here. For the simple reason that I know there is a possibility that people will read and know what's going on within my complex heart and mind. And for me, privacy has always been something that I hold very tightly to. Yet, for once, tonight, I just wanted to write out my thoughts. Perhaps it's because I am just too lazy to write in my journal with a pen. Typing is much faster.

Having reached an age of 26, like every single woman I know, I am at a point in my life where I desire for a partner to walk with me in the road ahead. However, at the same time, I am apprehensive of opening my heart to someone, having been hurt badly in the past before. In Singapore, where it's such a fast-paced society, it's even harder to find the time to connect with anyone, much less someone of the opposite gender. Distractions are everywhere around me - work, family, friends, colleagues etc.

I like to think that I have always been sincere and real towards every single person whom God has brought along my way over the past 26 years. And if I can be brutally honest, sometimes, I find that it's really hard. I love to be with people, hearing their life journeys, the interesting anecdotes that have occurred in their lives and simply sharing. But, with age catching up with me, and the increasing distractions around me, sometimes, I have to admit that I lost myself in the midst of it all.

I miss hearing myself. I miss spending time with myself.

And most importantly, I miss hanging out with Him. Was attending a course recently and the trainer showed us a clip of Martin Luther King's speech before he was assasinated hours later. That speech was powerful, inspiring and God-focused. This may sound crazy, but I miss that kind of relationship that I believe Martin Luther King had with Him. A relationship that surpasses all human relationships. A relationship where even when you can't find the words to express your emotional turmoil, He can still understand it all.

I miss You, Jesus.

I confess. Loneliness is starting to creep up within me and I find myself lost. Not quite knowing what to do really, especially when it comes to heart issues. And each time, I just brushed it under the carpet. So much so that over time, it has accumulated until this very point - Lina is completely not sure of herself any longer.

Faith, Hope, Love - 3 life values I hold far above everything else. To be empowered by Faith, filled with Hope and inspired by Love. That's my life motto. My vision.

I once had a dream. A dream where I am blissfully married to a God-fearing man, kids of my own who love Jesus and serving as one family in the mission field in China or Africa. Now, as I grow older, I have learnt that to live LIFE itself is no easy feat.

Fearing the future yet excited at the same time of what the unknown brings, one question keeps occurring in my head right now - "Will You remember me, Jesus?"